Longing. Now that's a word. That describes. How I feel.
Often.
Recently.
Dang.
OK, fuck this. All you punks should go and read Achewood. Thanks to Mike for pointing me at it.
Achewood is a web cartoon about stuffed animals, of all things. You should be aware that I consider most online humour to be as funny as a broken-glass enema. This is different.
It's one of those things that doesn't really work if you dip in and out of it. Read it from the beginning. It's worth your time.
It starts here.
OK, I've gotta go long. Catch you around.
Has it been a particularly good year for music, or is it just me?
A recentish release that's impressed me is Ballad of the Broken Seas by Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan. It's sort of a country album, emphasis on the western (as in spaghetti). Campbell produced it, wrote most of the songs, and played a bunch of instruments, and she & Lanegan take co-lead vocals. She does this breathy little-girl vocal thing and he does the deep gravelled voice thing so some of it's kind of like Tom Waits and Hope Sandoval covering Ringo by Lorne Greene. Well not really but you get the idea. The cover of Hank Williams's Ramblin' Man is choice.
Dreamt For Light Years In The Belly Of A Mountain by Sparklehorse initially did not impress me, but has grown on me. It's very Beatles-ish.
I've also enjoyed Fishscale by Ghostface Killa (dreadful skits, but a remarkably strong collection of songs), Loose by Nelly Furtado (a Timbaland production that's a lot better than the similar Futuresex/Lovesounds by Justin Timberlake), and Grandmasters by The Genius & DJ Muggs (a lyrically intelligent & musically strong album mostly structured around chess metaphors, this is easily GZA's best album since Liquid Swords). And some other shit.
I'm hanging out for Tom Waits's next release, Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards, a 54-track collection of rarities including things like his apocalyptic cover of Heigh Ho from Snow White and soundtrack album tracks like Little Drop Of Poison from The End Of Violence. Tom Waits is the best.
The movie marathon has come and gone again. This year seemed less punishing than before, but OK bear in mind that I have seen 12 movies since 6pm yesterday, so this might not be altogether coherent.
Um, Right. Here's the lowdown as it looks from where I am now.
Lady Terminator
This supernatural gender-switch rip-off of guess-what was amazing. It claims to be "based on the legend of the queen of the south seas," which I guess means James Cameron ripped off more than a couple of Harlan Ellison stories. (Or LT's credits are full of shit, what do you reckon?) Anyway, a queen of the south seas castrates men who are unable to satisfy her. When her 100th husband pulls a snake out of her snatch and turns it into a dagger (!) she places a curse on his great-granddaughter. Sure enough in 1988 a woman who says "I'm not a lady, I'm an anthropologist" is possessed and goes hunting an Indonesian pop star. There are LOTS of guns and car chases (every cop in the fucking world gets killed in this movie), and it gets unusually outrageous in a number of ways. Pretty wild.
Streets of Fire
This seems to be Walter Hill's attempt to recapture the vibe of The Warriors. This time he fails miserably, despite a young cast who later turned out to be talented after all (Diane Lane, Willem Dafoe, Amy Madigan, Rich Moranis). Lane, who sings several Jim Steinman power ballads, is a pop singer kidnapped by motorcyle gang leader Dafoe. Ex-boyfriend Michael Pate teams up with manager Moranis to rescue her. The movie is set in an unidentifiable past/present/future never-never land (it's subtitled "a rock & roll fable") and despite pretty photography it's really quite a poor movie.
Burial Ground
Cheapjack Italian zombie movie with enough weird stuff for the audience to play with. The creepy incest theme was good for a few cheap laughs.
Crank
The only new movie this marathon was Jason Straham doing what he does: starring in a movie that's as fast-paced as it is stupid. For me this was a lot more fun than the Transporter movies: he's a hit man who's been injected with a slow-acting poison and has an hour to live. He goes completely bugfuck trying to get revenge and deal with his girlfriend who thinks he's a computer programmer at the same time. I'm not particularly a fan of big, loud, dumb action blockbusters, but this was pretty amazing. I'd rate it right up there with Run Lola Run.
Troll 2
OK, the first thing about Troll 2 is that there are no trolls in it, though there are some goblins (and it's set in a town called Nilbog, ho-ho). The second thing is that it's not connected to the first Troll apart from featuring people turning into plants. The third thing is that it blows monkey gonads. Some amusing bits, but mostly a wash-out.
Behind Locked Doors
This was the obligatory sex maniac movie. This time a Henry Kissinger-looking guy and his sister kidnap women to use in their experiments into sexuality. It trundles to a predictable conclusion, but the first 20 minutes or so are pretty much just people go-go dancing to some pretty cool-sounding surf music in a barn, and sometimes rolling in the hay.
Thunderbirds Are Go
This seemed like a great idea at first, but holy penis this was a boring movie! It didn't help that they got around the limitations of the marionettes by not having anyone walk anywhere except for Cliff Richard (and what kind of fucking movie has a Cliff Richard song performed by a puppet as its highlight?) but the main problems are there's basically no plot and endless scenes of model spaceships being assembled to prepare for take-off. I've enjoyed Gerry Anderson stuff before, but this movie basically licked Kali's labia. Avoid it like AIDS.
The Hidden
An alien slug possessed people and goes on heavy metal-fuelled theft & murder rampages in Ferraris just for kicks. An FBI agent played by Kyle MacLachlan before he was on Twin Peaks chases it. The movie is basically a remake of The Brain From Planet Arous, and was pretty much done again as the ninth Friday the 13th movie. The difference is that those movies suck and this one rules. Any movie where a near-indestructible stripper totes a machine gun has got to be good.
The Astrologer
This was an early movie from writer/director James Glickenhaus (The Exterminator, Blue Jean Cop) and was good but utterly perplexing. It seemed to be about the Second Coming, but despite beginning with about five minutes of voice-over exposition it seemed to lose everyone. Competently scripted, acted and directed, it had some splendid scenes but felt like some crucial exposition was missing. The plot was, shit I don't even know. This one motherfucker had a super-computer that was like the ultimate astrologer. His wife seemed to be the virgin Mary. A cult leader may or may not father the Antichrist. The movie takes great pains to say that the Whitehouse is the seat of evil, then does nothing with this concept. I didn't fucking get it, man.
To Live And Die In LA
Uber-80s cop action/thriller from William Friedkin, with a top car chase and an impressively cynical attitude. William L. Peterson plays a cop on the edge, natch, but despite a dodgy start the movie pulls it all off. The ending was a stunner. The late great Steve James has a small role, Willem Dafoe is the baddie for the second time today, and uh a whole lot of shit happens. Wang fucking Chung did the score.
The Holy Mountain
Alejandro Jodorowsky's wildest movie is a dated but thoroughly entertaining head-trip that seems to be a kind of bizarre self-help movie and illustration of its eccentric writer/director/star's personal cosmology. Exploding frogs re-enacting Cortez's invasion of Mexico is one of the most normal parts. The audience sat quietly throughout, then applauded madly at the end. I wuz stoked.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
This was Philip Kaufman's 1978 remake, starring Donald Sutherland. If you haven't seen it, please do so. It's excellent, one of the few remakes to beat the first movie (though Jack Finney's original story is better yet). A beautiful way to end.
So this year there was no utterly brutal gore, no punishing scares, and only one new movie. On the other hand I was entertained throughout (other that Thunderbirds which basically sucked shit out of a donkey's ass).
Now I, um, dunno. Fuck.
Oh godddd I bet they show some appalling piece of garbage I've already seen & don't want to subject myself to again, like they did with The Thrill Killers. I really don't want to have to sit through a turd like Troll 2 again.
On the other hand: Oooh, shiny new Moveable Type interface! Shame I have to go to work now and won't have a chance to play with it for several more days.
If I don't survive 24 hours of shit movies tonight & tomorrow, treat me like Todd. [link]