Been grumpy today. Grr.
I go to watch Kill Bill now. Because nothing goes better with grumpiness than extreme graphic violence. Rrargh!
Peace to the fam. Woof.
We all know it's going on, but do we bother to do anything about it? Do we fuck. It's only our children's bodies & minds that are being destroyed, why should we worry?
You don't think McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, etc contain actual nutrition do you? These companies are conspiring to brainwash our children into buying "food" that not only does them no good, but which actively does them bad.
I once quit a job when I found out the company I worked for had made a particularly virulent brainwashing ad. Fuck these parasites. They are scum and should be treated like criminals.
Of course, there are degrees of "all is well" like when the stars said it to Elvis what they meant was "You may be about to die, but at least no gunslinger mummy will be dropping your soul into the Crapper with his next movement."
(Capitalization is correct; I hope you all know that the word "Crap" comes from the name of the inventor of the flush toilet, Thomas Crapper.)
But yea verily all is well with me, so who care how you are doing? Visit from sister went well. Sophie party went well. Contact with person mentioned in earlier post went well. All Is Well.
"Eat the dog dick of Anubis you ass wipe!"
- Bubba Ho-Tep (translated from the Egyptian)
We all know what Chick Flicks are. I'm not going to bother defining them.
Chick Flicks For Guys are movies which are not Guy Movies per se, but which are aimed at men at least as much as they are at women, and which exude the same kind of vibe as a Chick Flick. I call it The Chick Flick Kick.
I love Chick Flicks, and believe it or not I am a Guy. Hence this list. Why not watch all of these movies over the weekend with someone you care about?
5/ When Harry Met Sally
This is the movie that most frequently gets double-taked on by people perusing my dvd collection. Part of this is because it sits between Evil Dead 2 and Night of the Living Dead. (I'm geek enough to have alphabeticalized my dvds by director, so it goes Sam Raimi - Rob Reiner - George Romero.)
Technically this is a Chick Flick For Everyone. I consider When Harry Met Sally to be the best Woody Allen movie that Woody Allen didn't make. It's about men and women and they differences between them. The "rules" as laid down in the movie are by no means universal, but if you say you don't recognise a bit of yourself in one or the other of the main characters you're probably lying.
The movie would make the list just for the "it's impossible for men and woman to be friends" thing, which isn't really true but is curiously believable and familiar.
4/ Jerry Maguire
I refused to see this movie for a long time because of the "Show Me The Money" thing and because of the "Tom Cruise Is In It" thing. I finally gave in and watched it because of the "Cameron Crowe Directed It" thing. Crowe is the King of Chick Flicks For Guys, and most of his movies can fit into this category (Vanilla Sky does not). Jerry Maguire is a particularly good one for several reasons: it's about sports; it's the only movie Renee Zellweger was any good in; its heart is in the right place ideologically; it's funny as hell (especially Jay Mohr in his most loathsome role yet); it has an original song by Bruce Springsteen.
3/ Say Anything
Usually when I make these lists I restrict each director to one movie. Cameron Crowe gets two on this list, and deserves them. This is a romantic comedy from the boy's point of view, and the boy in question is John Cusack so you know he's cool in a way that won't make other boys hate him. This movie is full of understated charm. It came out when John Hughes movies ruled the teen box-office, and it's better than any of them. Average Joe-type Cusack makes a play for school brain Ione Skye, and to his astonishment he gets her. Realistic complications emerge, and it all ends in wonderful ambiguity. The scene from the poster (the radio) is heartbreaking.
2/ Fight Club
Chick flicks are all about being in touch with your emotions. Fight Club is all about being in touch with your emotions. Many chick flicks feature a love triangle. Fight Club features a love triangle. Many chick flicks centre around someone who thinks they hate the person who they really love, and how all the trouble they get into could have been avoided by admitting that love. Fight Club does this. Some chick flicks have Brad Pitt in them and some have Helena Bonham Carter in them. Fight Club has both. Many great chick flicks end with a couple who've just realised how in love they are standing together watching something beautiful while a great song plays on the soundtrack. Fight Club is almost the ultimate chick flick for guys.
Almost.
1/ High Fidelity
John Cusack runs a record store. He's a total music geek, like many guys. At the start of the movie his girlfriend leaves him. He spends the whole movie analyzing his life, trying to work out what went wrong, going through all his past relationships in his head, trying to convince himself that he's better off without her. Guess who ends up with who in the end. An end that prominently features I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will be Forever) by Stevie Wonder.
Cusack is even better here than he was in Say Anything, and he co-wrote the script (from Nick Hornby's novel). Another Cusack writing/starring movie from around the same time that almost made this list was Grosse Point Blank, a great chick flick for guys if there ever was one but which I disqualified because there is no chemistry at all between Cusack and Minnie Driver. Admittedly there's even less chemistry here between Cusack and whoever the hell plays his girlfriend (she's easily the least memorable character and actor in the movie), but on the other hand there is mucho chemistry between Cusack and Lisa Bonet. The movie, while very funny, is also a prolonged study of the pain men feel about love. God bless this movie, and God bless John Cusack.
Bruce Springsteen plays himself in one scene, trumping Jerry Maguire. The movie also consists largely of Cusack listing his Top Five whatevers (usually music or relationship based) which is another reason it tops my own Top Five. I love making these stoopid lists.
The Princess Bride was intentionally left off this list because... well OK I don't have a reason. Fuck y'all.
A few years back my friend Cal asked me, "Why horror?" (At the time she was my new flatmate, and seemed a little disturbed by my appetite for gruesome movies, which she doesn't get into at all.)
I didn't have a coherent answer, and six years later I still don't have one but I do think about it every now and again. After much musing and contemplating, I think the best answer is:
SEX.
Horror is sexy. Horror is sexual. Horror is about the body, horror is about life and death, and the same is true of sex.
More importantly though, fear itself is intimately involved with sex. Being scared is sexy and scaring someone else is sexy. It's exciting, it's a rush. Just as great sex often follows a big argument, it also often follows a big scare. Sex can be comforting if you are afraid of something that's going to happen, it can be made more exciting by being just a little afraid of your partner, it can be more passionate if you're afraid of losing them.
Being into someone and not knowing if they are into you can be scary. Ringing them up can be scary: you want to talk to the person, but you're half-hoping they won't answer because if they do you'll need to make your move or chicken out.
Fear is sexy. Just admit it.
OK I know there are probably some people who don't like being scared, just as there are possibly some people who like their sex to be dull and predictable. Too bad for them.
But if you're one of those people, think about this: Remember a time when you inadvertently scared someone you found attractive. Maybe you just walked up behind them and said "Hi" when they didn't know you were there, and they jumped and maybe squealed a little, then you both laughed. You got a little thrill out of that, didn't you? Wasn't it just a little bit sexy?
No doubt someone will misread this as being sadistic. "I like to scare people, it gives me power." I'm not talking about that. That crap can just go away.
I'm talking about going to see a scary movie and clutching your partner's arm in the good bits. (Even Cal admits to having done this.) I'm talking about walking through a dark and spooky alley on the way to your beloved's house and being that much more eager to fell into their arms when you get there. I'm talking about the good scary, not the bad evil "things are genuinely going to harm me" scary.
OK, it's not the most profound or original thing anyone's ever said. It's not even the most profound or original thing I've said this week. It was just on my mind.
Next up, Chick Flicks For Guys.
You know that thing where you really wanna get in touch with someone and the only contact details you have are an email address, and so you send an email, and then you start wondering "Have they not checked their email yet, or are they deliberately not replying?"
And then you think "I could probably track down their phone number if I tried," but then you think "Yeah and they'll think I'm some kind of slobbering stalker type." So you try to be patient, and you try not to send another email saying "Did you get my first email?" for much the same reason that you don't track down the phone number...
Happens to me all the time. I fricken hate it. Reckon I probably do it to other people too. "I'll reply to this later... Oops, I didn't mean three weeks later!"
I thought at one time a good solution would be to post my cellphone number on here. All that happened was I got a txt from some schmuck in Britain saying "Blog more!" I'm trying, bucko, but all you get is lousy posts like this one...
Anyhow. Sex and horror. My concept of "next" possibly differs from yours.
From Stuff:
"Bush said in Washington he would discuss Iran's nuclear activities with China's President Hu Jintao this week and avoided ruling out nuclear retaliation if diplomatic efforts fail."
Did Bush really say "retaliation"? Retaliation for what exactly? Would this be pre-emptive retaliation, or would they wait for Iran to nuke someone first?
You've got to watch out for this kind of use of language when we're talking about armageddon.
I say we start protesting this now. We cannot afford to fuck around with this shit.
I did not expect them to play Happy.
But they did.
D'ya ever get the feeling that you're playing an inscrutable game of chess on a 4-dimensional board, where you yourself are one of the pawns as well as attempting to control your own side, your Queen does whatever she wants, your King has defected, your Bishops are gay Gnostics unhealthily obsessed with '90s rave culture, your Rooks are using one another as bongs, your knights have adapted their L-shaped move to fold themselves through n-space, the other pawns stay home watching tv instead of trying to convert to Queens on the other side of the board, and the other player (who is invisible to you) is playing by inscrutable rules of their own design and is equipped with some kind of Star Wars defence system?
Me neither.
Every few years I re-watch The Howling. In between times, a number of people will remark to me about what a "bad movie" it is, and every time I watch it I expect this aura of badness to finally overwhelm me.
So it's with great pleasure that I can announce that I watched The Howling the other day with the added benefit of a pristine widescreen DVD edition (screw those old VHS copies) and it's a well-made, well-written, well-acted movie with good characters, good horror scenes, a clever structure, and plenty of subtext of both the serious and humorous varieties.
Why did I expect to be fooled by the nay-sayers? This movie was written by John Sayles (Lone Star, Passion Fish). It was directed by Joe Dante (Gremlins, Matinee). It has many good actors in it (Dee Wallace, Robert Picardo, Patrick Macnee, Slim Pickens, etc). The FX are by Rob Bottin (The Thing, Robocop).
I simply can't understand what the haters are complaining about. Sure there are only a handful of good werewolf movies in cinematic history (see also An American Werewolf In London, Ginger Snaps, Dog Soldiers -- I think there are no others) but The Howling is the best of them all.
Which leads me, naturally, to SEX! And where it intersects with HORROR! Which will be my next post.
Promise.
An automotive buff I "know" online asked me if I could find out the answer to this question about the King Kong remake:
"Why, when setting a film in the 1930s (music and Deco designs) and with a primary document available (the original film), did they Choose to design the cars to look like ones from the late teens/early twenties?"
Does anyone know?
Hey lookie -- a new Robert Anton Wilson book!
Sure do hope it's good. He's pretty old now.
Ha ha ha I was going to make a post all about my SEX LIFE.
But since that time I have met someone who I FANCY.
So I don't want to post that information somewhere so PUBLIC.
Just in CASE!
A workmate just said to me as she walked past my desk on the way out:
"I'm such an idiot, I forgot my fucking pads. I hope I make it home without leaving a mess."
Lovely. Remind me to tell you about my next bout of constipation.
Homeland Security press officer nabbed as online predator, links on Sterling's blog.
Sterling: "Why don't they go home and let SOME OTHER government protect American citizens?"
What he said, only my perspective allows for black humour: this takes abuse by the babysitter to new levels.
Thanks to everyone who came along on Friday night for making it a great time.
Dubious thanks to the three people who bought me tequila shots simultaneously for putting an to it. Owie.
It is Pearce's birthday today.
Ha ha ha what a geriatric motherfucker.
Marebito is an ultra-low-budget horror movie from Japan. It's directed by Takashi Shimizu, who has spent the rest of career making about six bajillion different versions, sequels & remakes of Ju-on. Up until now I have Grudge-ingly admired his work (tee hee) for how scary those movies can be, while being irritated by how silly, repetitive and rerivative they all are.
Marebito is a whole other kettle of fish. It's sort of a masterpiece. It centres around a freelance video cameraman (played by Shinya Tsukamoto, best known for directing the Tetsuo movies) who develops a fascination for extreme fear after seeing a man commit suicide in a subway tunnel. In an attempt to feel this sensation of terror, he descends into the tunnels to find what could have driven this man to suicide.
From there on it doesn't go anywhere I expected it to. Parts are reminiscent of Peeping Tom and Videodrome, there are vague Lovecraftian elements, and hints of vampirism, but for the most part this is a startlingly original work.
It is never as bone-chilling as the best bits of the Ju-on series, but it is infinitely more interesting overall. Tsukamoto is brilliant as the protagonist; the movie would probably fall apart with a lesser actor. One part suffered from being over-ambitious for its budget (it sticks out like a sore thumb) but it's quite early on and the movie isn't hurt overall by it.
Marebito bears no resemblance whatsoever to the J-horror formula that its director's other movies fall into (other entries would include Ringu and Takashi Miike's disappointing One Missed Call). No long-haired ghost girls in white dresses are here. This is a more personal and disturbing story, and I can't imagine a glossy Hollywood remake.
Amazingly, it was filmed in a mere eight days right before the US remake of Ju-on (titled The Grudge).
Highly recommended, and luckily it seems to be available on DVD pretty much everywhere!
I hate the concept of the "instant classic". I reckon that most things people put into the "instant classic" category are exciting now, and will be soon forgotten. To me a classic needs to stand the test of time, so if it's less than a decade old it can't even be considered.
It is now ten years since Aaliyah's second album, One In A Million, was released. This is a significant album in the annals of modern-day RnB & Hip-Hop, most notably because it was when Timbaland began to eclipse the RZA as the most innovative popular producer in the field. It's also the album that introduced the world to Missy "Misdemeanour" Elliott. Missy & Tim wrote & produced seven of the fifteen songs on the album, as well as the Intro & Outro.
So how does the album stack up today? At first I was fairly confident that I'd be ticking the CLASSIC ALBUM box on this one, but then I listened to the whole thing for the first time in a while...
BEATS 4 DA STREETS (Intro)
A strong intro, prefaced by Missy (who does backing vocals) and featuring still-futuristic Timbaland sounds.
HOT LIKE FIRE
Sexy as hell. The beat is a little more standard. Timbaland introduces his thing of whispering and making percussive vocal noises. Aaliyah's singing is as sultry as a 17 year old ever gets. Missy's squeaks over the chorus only add tension. A great track.
ONE IN A MILLION
Eponymous album tracks are often a problem. This isn't. Not as sexy as the previous track, but that BASS is SO FUCKING PHAT.
A GIRL LIKE YOU
The first non-Tim&Missy track isn't as good as the first two, but is a pretty nice RnB/rap track.
IF YOUR GIRL ONLY KNEW
My pick for best song on the album. More muttering from Tim, interesting lyrics from Missy that don't quite go where you'd expect.
CHOOSEY LOVER
This is an Isley Bros. cover. I don't like it. The guitar is too cheesy. We're already risking the "classic album" status. But there's still hope, let's check out the next track.
GOT TO GIVE IT UP
OK, this is produced by the same duo as the Isley abomination and it's another cover (this time Marvin Gaye). HOWEVER Slick Rick guests and that's always a good thing, and the track is actually very very nice.
4 PAGE LETTER
A more thoughtful song than the previous set. It's a bit of a slow jam, but has some nice percussive effects. Not filler.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT
I don't know who producer Rodney Jerkins is, but I think he'd been listening to Timbaland's songs. I mean that in a good way.
GIVING YOU MORE
A bit of standard slinky RnB. This is quite nice, but a wee bit generic.
GOTCHA BACK
Jermaine Dupri handles the boards this time, which can be very very good or very very bad. We're in luck this time.
NEVER GIVIN' UP
Sorry, I hate this ballad. Classic status hangs on by a thread.
HEARTBROKEN
OK, we seem to be back on track with another Tim&Missy song. Except this one IS filler. The album neither gets better or worse with this song.
NEVER COMIN' BACK
This is a lovely wee Tim&Missy song, slightly spoiled by the "fake live" ambience.
LADIES IN DA HOUSE
Oh. My. God. This song jumps the Shark Tank, and it's a friggin' Tim&Missy joint. The problem is simple: Timbaland sings on it. He's a fucking awful singer.
THE ONE I GAVE MY HEART TO
Diane Warren wrote this song. If you don't know who she is, trust me: the song could only be improved by spreading peanut butter over it. It sucks.
COME TO GIVE LOVE
A nice Tim&Missy outro. Too little, too late.
OVERALL:
Oh man, I wanted to say "10/10, best thing ever," but IT ISN'T.
8/10.
Classic album? NO.
Next year, Missy's own debut Supa Dupa Fly turns ten. Until then I'll be grading more 1996 albums. I know the mid-late '90s* were pretty much a cultural wasteland music-wise, but there must be SOMETHING great in there.
*Also the early-mid '00s. Popular music has sucked donkey dick for at least ten years now.
Yes you heard right, V For Vendetta: The Movie is very good indeed.
Don't be put off by the "from the makers of The Matrix" tag -- this is a much better movie than that pretentious sci-fi bullet-fest, in pretty much every way one movie can be better than another.
After watching the movie, Ed said "This demonstrates how the current American administration has radicalized the left." I agree. A big-budget American movie this radical would have been unthinkable four or five years ago.
Most of the changes made by the filmmakers from the source material are intelligent, and reflect the shift in media from the printed page to the cinema screen.
The cast is great, especially Stephen Rea. The movie may be the most British blockbuster I've ever seen.
Five out of five. A must see for everyone who's not a fucktard.
It's just a shame original author Alan Moore is not in a position where he can feel proud of the movie.