Look out! He's got a knife!

Your chance to see The King

Bubba Ho-Tep is showing at Rialto in Wellington tomorrow night (Sunday) at 7:40pm.

YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. No buts.

It's nothing you've ever seen before, and you'll love it. Go! Go! Go!

Random crappage:

Which File Extension are You?

You ain't nothing but a car thief

who must be stopped.

Ultimate reference page for Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys.

The greatest sampling album of all time?

New header

Is everyone enjoying my new header?

I was going for the "teen psycho scrawling on the blackboard" look.

songs

missy elliott feat. pharrell - on and on [brand new]

it was bound to happen, virginia's finest - missy elliot & the neptunes - teaming up marvel-style. the neptunes are up to the challenge and whip out a saw! it sounds great over bass keyboards and stomping. missy raps almost hardcore, not singing at all. it's repetitive in a good way. new album in june, for the first time not dominated by timbaland (as this track hints). missy's been everywhere in r&b since '03's this is not a test, and it's good to hear her hip-hop side again. she's in fine form, teasing and boasting hilariously.

curtis mayfield - underground [1972]

i was well familiar with the excellent demo version of this song from rhino's superfly & curtis reissues, but the original album version (from roots) turned out to be even better. deeply textured sounds and rich lyrics sung in mayfield's beautiful falsetto over a deep dark stoned-sounding groove. this & move on up are probably my favourite songs by mayfield.

People ain't no good

On the Horror In Film & Literature mailing list, someone asked today "But why do werewolves HAVE to be evil? Real wolves aren't bad so why are werewolves?"

My instinctive answer was that it's not the wolf-part that makes them evil, it's the were-part. Animals are not evil, at least in the ways that people can be.

"Today at the pond, ducklings with firecrackers strapped to them were sent by their leaders to blow up the geese who erected the anti-duck wall."

"Squirrel kills sixteen other squirrels, hides bodies in nut hordes, claims it was lonely."

"'Go back to Peking, flat-faces,' say rottweiller seperatists."

The closest I can think of to a animals being evil is cats playing with mice or birds. And given that they play the same way with paper, string and my fingers, I call that misguided rather than evil.

Don't Panic? [my geek indulgences pt 23]

Stu points to a devastatingly bad review of the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie.

However, given that it's at a site called planetmagrathea.com I think it's safe to assume that the reviewer in question is an HHGttG geek of the "I dress as Zaphod Beeblebrox every Halloween (and sometimes just on Saturday night)" variety. Comments like "Stephen Fry sounds like Stephen Fry" aren't helpful either - would he prefer if Stephen Fry sounded like David Hasslehoff perhaps?

Also remember that the television series provoked howls of derision from some radio series fans.

Meanwhile the BBC says "it's hard to see how this could be better" while Empire says it's "about as faithful as you can get," and even two Australians weigh in favourably.

Personally I can't wait to see the fucking thing. I've experience the HHGttG as a radio show, a double-album and a single-album, five books, a tv series, a computer game and a short story (Young Zaphod Plays It Safe) - not to mention a radio script book, a "companion" book by Neil Gaiman, etc. If it's good then great - if it's not then oh well, I've already heard all the jokes a hundred times before and was the movie REALLY necessary anyhow?

Besides, can it really be worse than Douglas Adams's own last HHGttG thingy, that dreadful book Mostly Harmless?

Added later in the day:

Browsing planetmagrathea.com further, the dude who wrote the review is a self-styled expert on Douglas Adams, who's written and/or contributed to lots of DNA & HHGttG-oriented books.

He's also thrown a massive snit over other people's reaction to his review and thrown all his toys out of the cot. So it goes.

Music reviews

As promised.

Tweet - Southern Hummingbird

Tweet's second album doesn't seem to have dropped in NZ yet, so I'll review her 2002 debut album instead.

I've long had a very low opinion of modern R&B. Used to be you could have R&B albums like Marvin Gaye's What's Going On or Stevie Wonder's Fulfillingness First Finale. Now it all seems to be cheesy beats over some idiot going on about "Shake that ass."

So here we've got the first solo album by Tweet, who got her break doing background vocals on Missy Elliott's albums. A sticker on the front of this album proclaims "Missy Elliott & Timbaland present 16 amazing songs!" Didn't sound too promising.

Then the first track started, and it was an intro. Yawn. Except when I listened a little closer, I realised Tweet was talking about being pulled back from the brink of her suicide attempt. The album as a whole turned out to be a very pleasant surprise - it's a personal statement kind of thing, with the majority of the tracks written & produced by Tweet herself.

Acoustic guitar dominates. There aren't many musician credits on the album, which leads me to wonder if Tweet plays some of the instruments herself? I haven't been able to find out. The mood is largely melancholic, though it takes time out for a couple of party tracks, most noticably the hit single "Oops (Oh My), a Timbaland-produced duet with Missy about masturbation. More typical are "Smoking Cigarettes" and "Drunk", about loneliness and alcoholism respectively.

Not a masterpiece, but a nice wee album that offers something different. I expected a lower-grade version of Aaliyah's One In A Million and got something that does its own thing and does it well. My flatmates think I'm crazy for liking this stuff.

And now for something completely different. Should I warn for offensive content? Nah, fuck ya.

R.A. the Rugged Man - Die, Rugged Man, Die

"The characters and events depicted in this recording are the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Any similarity to actual persons living or dead are completely intentional."
- from the CD cover

Oh man, I don't know where to start on this one. Should I point out that the above-quoted is not a joke, he really means it? Should I rehash the whole "Finally here's the debut album" blah blah blah? Why not. R.A. is an underground legend, though you probably haven't heard of him.

He's a huge fat ugly white trailer-trash looking guy with a lisp, whose father was a Vietnam veteran Agent Orange victim. R.A.'s brother and sister were far more affected by the chemical than he was - it's a tragic story, and I don't want to tell it. If you're really curious google him.

As a teenager, after a furious bidding war, he signed to Jive Records in the early '90s and recorded the album Night of the Bloody Apes under the name Crustified Dibbs, which never got released for a variety of reasons. It leaked out regardless, especially the notorious "Cunt Renaissance" which featured Biggie Smalls.

In late '04, after a bunch of guest appearances etc, he finally dropped a whole album, and it's the fucking shit. There's not much of the "I rip your cunts out with spoons" material here; the subject matter is mostly R.A. himself and what a fuck-up he is. He claims several times to be one of the five best MCs of all time and while I wouldn't go that far, he's pretty damn great and his flow is certainly original. The album is solid almost from beginning to end; I didn't think much of "How Low" (co-produced by Bad Brains' Daryl Jenifer) which is another track based around "Trans-Europe Express" but everything else is at least good.

Most of the production is solid too. Nigga Niles is the main producer, and there's good work from Ayatollah, Koran, J-Zone and DJ Luciano. There are relatively few guest stars: Killah Priest and Masta Killa turn up on "Chains", one of the album's highlights, and Timbo King battles R.A. on the entertaining, though slight (for this album) "Black and White". The rest of the album is R.A. all the way.

My favourite tracks (other than the above-mentioned "Chains") are "Dumb", "A Star Is Born", "Midnight Thud" (named after a character in the exploitation classic Penitentiary III - Night of the Bloody Apes was named after the Mexican horror/female wrestling classic after all) and the title track.

R.A. sounds far more in control here than he did on Bloody Apes, where he came across as genuinely unhinged. The skit "Pick My Gun Up" is incredibly revolting in classic Crustified Dibbs style though - I couldn't stop laughing, but when I described it to my flatmates they looked kinda scared.

In case I haven't made myself clear, this album fucking rules and everyone in the goddamned world should check it out. Here's hoping we don't have to wait another decade for the next one.

If you haven't been driven off by my usage of the c-word (cunt!) you should go here and download the first track off the album, "Lessons". That track would be a highlight on most albums, but here it's merely typical - whih is a very good thing indeed. Truth be told almost every track is a high point. The Neptunes courted R.A. a couple of years ago, and while it would have been interesting to hear what they'd have done together I frankly doubt they could have topped this old-school joint.

Incidentally, R.A. has co-written the script of Frank (Basket Case, Brain Damage) Henenlotter's new movie Sick In the Head. I cannot wait for that fuckin' thing!

More Pope Stuff

I take it everyone here reads Bety Bowers: America's Best Christian? Here's a quote from her latest newsletter:

"As anyone with a television now knows ... Pope John Paul II was quite conveniently without reportable fault. This fact is all the more remarkable since he blithely presided over an enterprise of child molestation so vast and industrious that it makes Munchausen Syndrome spokesperson Michael Jackson's notorious undertakings in this same regard seem quaintly amateurish."

Coming soon: hip-hop & r&b reviews.

V for Vendetta movie

I am stunned that the New Zealand government is actually saying that human rights should not apply in cases involving secrecy. Call me kooky, but I believe that government secrecy in a democracy is anathema. But anyway.

V for Vendetta is a comic book by Alan Moore & David Lloyd. Speaking broadly, it's about anarchy and its hero is a terrorist fighting against a corrupt British state that controls its population through propaganda and totalitarian measures.

Obviously, it's very relevant to today's world. It would also seem to be a ballsy move to film it, but it's happening. Here's hoping it isn't being totally defanged.

Woop

It was pretty weird to head out to visit my Mum in the Hutt and get ambushed by a roomful of people when I got there (Billy, Chris, Elisa, Anne-Marie, Scott). Took me a while to figure it was meant to be a surprise, not just random oddness. Good stuff. And wow, yummy bread & brandy pudding!

Turns out that One In A Million by Aaliyah is pretty damn awesome. All I needed to do was max the bass and turn it up really loud. Whooooomp! I would never have understood nine years ago when it came out.

Good gravy - nine years since 1996! That was a crasy year if ever I've had one. Especially if you take it from mid-1995 until mid-1996.

Maybe some of today's lame-ass shit will seem great when I'm 39.

Doctor Who

Saw the first episode.

Good intro. Except why do actors' names come up before "Doctor Who"? And judging from the way it's weaving, the Doctor's drunk in charge of a TARDIS.

Suddenly! - awful, out-of-date techno is all over the soundtrack. It's frequently too loud, in inappropriate places, and distracting. Did I mention that it's awful?

Boom! A huge explosion in the first few minutes. Is this the sequel to the Paul McGan movie?

The Autons are creepy - sort of. The rubbish bin is really stupid. The mom & the black guy are really annoying.

Is the Doctor a speed freak now? He's kinda manic.

Oh look - an in-joke. And another one. And heaps more. Just as well, 'cause I'd forgotten I was watching Doctor Who.

What?! It's over in one episode? No cliffhanger? Christ that music is worse than in season 25.

Verdict: Christopher Eccleston seemed to be trying too hard, and with only one season before he quits he's not gonna have much time to grow into the role. Billie Piper is not as awful as I feared - merely average. The show didn't feel much like Doctor Who, more like Generic Sci-Fi Show #23.

I would give it a C+, but the omnipresent inappropriate ten-years-too-late awful techno forces me to rate it D-. I hope the next episode is better.

Incidentally, ten million viewers for this show is being touted as a great success. Maybe I'm misremembering, but wasn't Colin Baker considered a failure for only pulling in ratings of around fourteen million?

30

Fuck!

PJP2 RIP

You can be the President
I'd rather be the Pope
You can be the side effect
I'd rather be the dope

- Prince

Random Pope Link

I'm Deranged

Ed Gein Your personality matches Criminal Profile 4081650.

Gein's desolate farmhouse was a study in chaos. Inside, junk and rotting garbage covered the floor and counters. It was almost impossible to walk through the rooms. The smell of filth and decomposition was overwhelming. While the local sheriff, Arthur Schley, inspected the kitchen with his flashlight, he felt something brush against his jacket. When he looked up to see what it was he ran into, he faced a large, human carcass hanging upside down from the beams. ____________________________________________ Your personality type matches the criminal profile of Ed Gein. Bizarre handicraft made Eddie into a celebrity. Author Robert Bloch was inspired to write a story about Norman Bates, a character based on Eddie, which became the central theme of the Alfred Hitchcock's classic thriller Psycho. In 1974, the classic thriller by Tobe Hooper, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, has many Geinian touches, although there is no character that is an exact Eddie Gein model. This movie helped put "Ghastly Gein" back in the spotlight in the mid-1970's. Years later, Eddie provided inspiration for the character of another serial killer, Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs. Like Eddie, Buffalo Bill treasured women's skin and wore it like clothing in some insane transvestite ritual. While shocked deputies searched through the rubble of Eddie Gein's existence, they realized that the horrible discoveries didn't end at the missing Mrs. Worden's body. They had stumbled into a death farm. The funny-looking bowl in his home was actually the top of a human skull. The lampshades and wastebasket were made from human skin. A ghoulish inventory began to take shape: an armchair made of human skin, female genitalia kept preserved in a shoebox, a belt made of nipples, a human head, four noses and a heart. The more the looked through the house, the more ghastly trophies they found. Finally a suit made entirely of human skin. Their heads spun as they tried to tally the number of woman that may have died at Eddie's hands. While you may or may not be capable of performing the horrific acts he did, you loosely resemble (with some obvious exceptions) his criminal profile based upon your general motivations, preferences and behavior patterns. Yeah, I've got you pretty well figured out by now. You're into my style, so check out my fashion. www.ubervanity.com (Don't worry about losing your place on OkCupid. It will stay open in a separate window)

The Vampire Novel Hmm, very interesting! You scored 140!

People are addicted to you, as you make such entertaining and sexy reading material. You get people’s imaginations flowing and make for the type of book people want to read more than once. Cults have been inspired by the likes of you.