Look out! He's got a knife!

David Bowie

Looks like the David Bowie gig will be sold out by tomorrow.

Tales from the crypt

Random thought that occurred to me. Skip it if you want.

When I was a kid, there was a boy at my school who was labeled the troublemaker. His name was Chris. There was trouble at his home, which his parents and the teachers didn’t tell us about but which we picked up anyway, mostly from Chris himself. Maybe the teachers didn’t know about it, at least at first. Later they couldn’t help but know about it, but at the time they treated Chris like he was just born bad.

At our school, they used the fire alarm as the bell. Do they still do that? It always seemed a little weird to me. Anyway, one time at Little Lunch I thought it would be funny to bring everyone back in early. My friends Finnbar and Mario thought it would be funny too, which encouraged me. The alarm switch in the hall was covered with glass, so I broke it and flicked the alarm on and off for about the length of the bell and all the kids started running back. Pretty funny, huh?

But right then, one of the teachers – I think I remember which one but I’m not sure so I won’t name her – came out and caught me red handed. “What did you do that for?” she said to Chris, who just happened to be nearby. She asked Finnbar and Mario if he had done it, and they said yeah it was Chris. She scolded him at some length about how irresponsible it was to trigger a false fire alarm, and kept him in late after school.

I was sorry that Chris got in trouble, not just because I felt guilty but because I used to walk home from school with him most days and I had to work home by myself that day. But I didn’t have the guts to put my hand up, and Chris never once said that he didn’t do it.

Another time, Chris and I were fighting, and I pushed him off a log in the playground. He went down and landed on his head and didn’t get up right away. He just sorta lay there. I felt terrible – once again – and ran inside to get a teacher – I think it was a different one to before but hey, teachers are all kinda alike when they’re on the warpath. She came out and berated Chris and told him to get up. He just lay there. The bell went and she went back inside. We all followed her. Chris just lay there. About ten minutes later he came back in looking kinda miserable.

He was told off for staying outside so long, and kept in after school. I'm pretty sure he was only faking it. Not 100% certain, but pretty sure.

One time, a girl in another class almost cut her finger off on a razor blade someone had put in her pencil case. Apparently she just shoved her hand in there, and suddenly there was blood everywhere. (I always wondered what happened to this girl, partly because of this but mostly because at the time – we were both still in single digits – I thought she was a cutie. I bet she’s grown up to be a great looking young woman. Where are you now, Bernadette?)

Naturally Chris was blamed, until it was pointed out that he’d hadn’t left our class all morning. I always wondered who really stashed that razor blade. No it wasn’t me, sheesh!

A while later, there was a story in the paper about Chris’s family, and how they had been tormented for years by a race hate group in Naenae. They’d had bullets fired into their house, been threatened with machetes, and even been firebombed. Chris’s parents didn’t speak much English – they were Samoan immigrants – and hadn’t known what to do about it.

These days, Chris is in jail for murder. He’s been there for a couple of years now. There’s no doubt that was involved in the murder, but he wasn’t physically in the location where it happened, and he wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger. But he’s in jail for murder nonetheless.

I think about Chris quite often. I think about writing to him in prison, although I have no idea what I would say. I haven't seen him since we were ten. When we were little we were friends and he took heat for me, and now he’s in jail on an unconscionable offence and I don’t know what I think about it all, except that there’s nothing simple in life, and people tend to carry on in the patterns they start in.

American youth from beyond the grave

There are two great American traditions, and one of them is mindless violence. This occurs in the political arena, where a war can be declared against a country that does not pose a threat to America while the terrorist group who are widely believed to have committed the greatest mass murder there's ever bin on American soil are considered not a priority. It occurs in entertainment medium, where music and movies about guys with big guns are huge sellers (and politics and entertainment have been known to cross over here and there). It occurs on the streets and in the home.

The greatest avatar of mindless violence is, of course, the zombie. Zombies are not an inherently American phenomenon. The first zombies were probably created by Haitian voodoo houngans. However, the first zombie movie was American, and according to the imdb they've made more zombie movies than every other country put together.

I nominate the noble Zombie as the new Symbol of America. The zombie is known for its extreme hunger; America has a large proportion of obese people, who I figure must be pretty hungry. Zombies are also known for standing around doing nothing useful while everything around them goes to hell; an enormous amount of eligible Americans don't bother to vote, despite supposedly being proud of the free, democratic status they are so keen to spread around.

Americans could learn a lot from zombies, like how to eat all the brains they want without gaining a pound. Zombies don't kill each other as often as Americans do. Zombies even dance better than most Americans.

So let us all praise the noble American Zombie!

Today I'm mostly listening to Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys. "Time and money for girls covered with honey!"

I forgot to say thanks to Idiot/Savant for providing the title I spun this rant from.

the blog with everything

I read an article in the paper this morning. It's disgraceful. Something must be done.

In other news, I angst because something didn't go my way, and I was drunk to boot.

Also, there is a new movie. It stars someone.

There. I just saved you from reading everyone else's blogs.

Eyeball Violence

I'd like to direct your attention to a little direct-to-video movie called May. It's a wee movie from a first-time director with no name actors, but it's a bit of a gem. It's probably in the Horror section, but it may end up labelled Thriller or even Comedy.

It's one of those "the less you know about it before going in, the better" movies. Obviously I'm not going to whet your appetite like that, so I'll need to tell you a little about it. But just a little. The text on the back of the dvd/video actually gives away a LOT more than you'd want. Fortunately I saw it without even reading that.

Angela Bettis - who is astounding, a definite talent to watch - plays a shy, geeky and extremely weird young woman. Bettis is so good in this movie that it'd be worth watching just for her.

The soundtrack includes The Breeders, Kelly Deal, etc, all used extremely well.

It combines goofy comedy and disturbing horror, often in the same scene, and it handles both very well. It made me laugh and squirm more than any other movie in recent memory.

The one caveat is that if you're squeamish about eyes, beware. I have sensitive eyes, and I recoiled from the screen several times. It's not a Lucio Fulci-style cascade of ruptured eyeballs, but there are a few choice moments.

So what are you waiting for? Don't seek a second opinion. As Shannon would say, "Trust the fuckhead."

Today I'm mostly listening to "Play With Bootsy" by Bootsy Collins. Tres funky.

Diseases of the Band

Uncle Dad are no more. We have split amicably. It still kinda sucks, but it was inevitable, because we all wanted different things, especially the singers.

Actually the singers mostly wanted one thing: to be the only singer. You may see how that could be problematic when there were three of us.

Some of us wanted slower. Some of us wanted faster. Some of us wanted funkier. Some of us wanted funky-less. Some of us just wanted everyone to get along, maaaan. Obviously we could not all have our cake 'cause everyone else had eaten it.

We did one final impromptu performance - sadly short one member - at Katipo last Friday. If you missed ever seeing us, you missed a treat. I'm not boasting when I say we always went off. We had a succession of great, enthusiastic crowds. We had fun, and our fun was infectious. (Hence the title of this post.) But now it's over, and it seems appropriate. We went out on a bang, people said we were cool, and that was that.

Except I want another band. Right now. Either slow laid-back country or upbeat spaced-out funk. If anyone wants a singer with a cool deep voice, let me know.

This week I'm mostly listening to The Curtom Story (mostly written, produced and/or performed by Curtis Mayfield).

Tonight I'm gonna watch the brand spanking new dvd of Once Upon a Time in the West for the second time - not merely the greatest Western ever made, but one of the greatest artworks in all cinema. And damn cool music. The Suspiria of westerns, I enthuse!

"I am fire," he replied

YOU ARE FIRE!

Your inner element is one of great passion and
intensity. You are a dramatic person who loves
attention and knows how to get it. You tend to
have many
friends and admirers around you wherever you go.
You have a strong intellect, tend to have
strong opinions on issues close to your heart
and don't know the meaning of tact. You are
generally an active person who loves sports and
all things competitive... and you like to win!
Any career that will bring you the attention
you crave and uses your talents of persuasion
is ideal for you. Love tends to elude you
frequently - you can more easily find passion
or good friendship than true love. When you do
finally fall in love... you fall with all your
heart. However, when it comes to the passion
end of things, you are second to none.

Your greatest strengths are your courage to express
yourself no matter what and your incredible
charisma. You weaknesses are a tendency to
narcissism and the possibility of alienating
others with your forwardness. Balancing your
strengths and weaknesses is crucial for you to
achieve balance in your life.

Astrologically, Fire is associated with the signs
of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You are most
compatible for either love or friendship with
another Fire Elemental or with an Air. You are
least compatible with a Water Elemental.

Now that you have an idea of your strengths and
weaknesses, why don't you put them to the test?
If you follow my lead I can take you to a game
world where you can explore different sides of
yourself and taste real power....

...and all
the world can be yours.


Which of the 5 Prime Elements are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What a load of shit.

Horror Movies You'll Never See

There are plenty of horror movies, but here are four you will almost certainly never see.

Horror
The second movie by would-be visionary writer/director Dante Tomaselli is a definite step up from Desecration. It shifts even further away from consensus reality to tell us the story of a bunch of kids escaped from drug rehab crossing paths with religious fanatics, undead hypnotists, hordes of zombies, satantic goats, and others of much ilk. The visuals and soundtrack are often stunning; the script and acting are definitely not. Overall it's like a pretty good lost Italian horror flick from the '70s, except it was made in New York in 2001-2002.

Shatter Dead
The dead walk, but don't seem terribly dangerous. The living mess things up for everyone. Dodgy religious imagery abounds, along with some startling sexual explicitness. With more resources and (much) better acting this could have been a great movie, but the 2c budget doesn't cut it. Writer/director Scooter McCrae could develop into a filmmaker to watch, if anyone lets him.

My Sweet Satan
Jim Van Bebber's 20-minute account of the true-life saga of teenage satanist Ricky Cowen bests his earlier Deadbeat At Dawn in every way. Van Bebber changes names, shifts the location from Long Island to Ohio and ups the amount of gore, but otherwise sticks to the facts pretty well. The acting is top notch, especially Van Bebber himself as Ricky. It's on the Deadbeat dvd.

Dellamorte Dellamore
This may be the best zombie movie made since Romero finished his trilogy. Rupert Everett stars as a cemetary caretaker who, as part of his everyday routine, kills the dead when they rise from the grave seven days after death. There's plenty of political satire and Peter Jackson-style gore comedy in this weird and wonderful movie. Everett is great as the cynical, complaining antihero. Anna Falchi plays three roles. You'll never forget François Hadji-Lazaro as Gnaghi.