The movie marathon has come and gone again. This year seemed less punishing than before, but OK bear in mind that I have seen 12 movies since 6pm yesterday, so this might not be altogether coherent.
Um, Right. Here's the lowdown as it looks from where I am now.
Lady Terminator
This supernatural gender-switch rip-off of guess-what was amazing. It claims to be "based on the legend of the queen of the south seas," which I guess means James Cameron ripped off more than a couple of Harlan Ellison stories. (Or LT's credits are full of shit, what do you reckon?) Anyway, a queen of the south seas castrates men who are unable to satisfy her. When her 100th husband pulls a snake out of her snatch and turns it into a dagger (!) she places a curse on his great-granddaughter. Sure enough in 1988 a woman who says "I'm not a lady, I'm an anthropologist" is possessed and goes hunting an Indonesian pop star. There are LOTS of guns and car chases (every cop in the fucking world gets killed in this movie), and it gets unusually outrageous in a number of ways. Pretty wild.
Streets of Fire
This seems to be Walter Hill's attempt to recapture the vibe of The Warriors. This time he fails miserably, despite a young cast who later turned out to be talented after all (Diane Lane, Willem Dafoe, Amy Madigan, Rich Moranis). Lane, who sings several Jim Steinman power ballads, is a pop singer kidnapped by motorcyle gang leader Dafoe. Ex-boyfriend Michael Pate teams up with manager Moranis to rescue her. The movie is set in an unidentifiable past/present/future never-never land (it's subtitled "a rock & roll fable") and despite pretty photography it's really quite a poor movie.
Burial Ground
Cheapjack Italian zombie movie with enough weird stuff for the audience to play with. The creepy incest theme was good for a few cheap laughs.
Crank
The only new movie this marathon was Jason Straham doing what he does: starring in a movie that's as fast-paced as it is stupid. For me this was a lot more fun than the Transporter movies: he's a hit man who's been injected with a slow-acting poison and has an hour to live. He goes completely bugfuck trying to get revenge and deal with his girlfriend who thinks he's a computer programmer at the same time. I'm not particularly a fan of big, loud, dumb action blockbusters, but this was pretty amazing. I'd rate it right up there with Run Lola Run.
Troll 2
OK, the first thing about Troll 2 is that there are no trolls in it, though there are some goblins (and it's set in a town called Nilbog, ho-ho). The second thing is that it's not connected to the first Troll apart from featuring people turning into plants. The third thing is that it blows monkey gonads. Some amusing bits, but mostly a wash-out.
Behind Locked Doors
This was the obligatory sex maniac movie. This time a Henry Kissinger-looking guy and his sister kidnap women to use in their experiments into sexuality. It trundles to a predictable conclusion, but the first 20 minutes or so are pretty much just people go-go dancing to some pretty cool-sounding surf music in a barn, and sometimes rolling in the hay.
Thunderbirds Are Go
This seemed like a great idea at first, but holy penis this was a boring movie! It didn't help that they got around the limitations of the marionettes by not having anyone walk anywhere except for Cliff Richard (and what kind of fucking movie has a Cliff Richard song performed by a puppet as its highlight?) but the main problems are there's basically no plot and endless scenes of model spaceships being assembled to prepare for take-off. I've enjoyed Gerry Anderson stuff before, but this movie basically licked Kali's labia. Avoid it like AIDS.
The Hidden
An alien slug possessed people and goes on heavy metal-fuelled theft & murder rampages in Ferraris just for kicks. An FBI agent played by Kyle MacLachlan before he was on Twin Peaks chases it. The movie is basically a remake of The Brain From Planet Arous, and was pretty much done again as the ninth Friday the 13th movie. The difference is that those movies suck and this one rules. Any movie where a near-indestructible stripper totes a machine gun has got to be good.
The Astrologer
This was an early movie from writer/director James Glickenhaus (The Exterminator, Blue Jean Cop) and was good but utterly perplexing. It seemed to be about the Second Coming, but despite beginning with about five minutes of voice-over exposition it seemed to lose everyone. Competently scripted, acted and directed, it had some splendid scenes but felt like some crucial exposition was missing. The plot was, shit I don't even know. This one motherfucker had a super-computer that was like the ultimate astrologer. His wife seemed to be the virgin Mary. A cult leader may or may not father the Antichrist. The movie takes great pains to say that the Whitehouse is the seat of evil, then does nothing with this concept. I didn't fucking get it, man.
To Live And Die In LA
Uber-80s cop action/thriller from William Friedkin, with a top car chase and an impressively cynical attitude. William L. Peterson plays a cop on the edge, natch, but despite a dodgy start the movie pulls it all off. The ending was a stunner. The late great Steve James has a small role, Willem Dafoe is the baddie for the second time today, and uh a whole lot of shit happens. Wang fucking Chung did the score.
The Holy Mountain
Alejandro Jodorowsky's wildest movie is a dated but thoroughly entertaining head-trip that seems to be a kind of bizarre self-help movie and illustration of its eccentric writer/director/star's personal cosmology. Exploding frogs re-enacting Cortez's invasion of Mexico is one of the most normal parts. The audience sat quietly throughout, then applauded madly at the end. I wuz stoked.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
This was Philip Kaufman's 1978 remake, starring Donald Sutherland. If you haven't seen it, please do so. It's excellent, one of the few remakes to beat the first movie (though Jack Finney's original story is better yet). A beautiful way to end.
So this year there was no utterly brutal gore, no punishing scares, and only one new movie. On the other hand I was entertained throughout (other that Thunderbirds which basically sucked shit out of a donkey's ass).
Now I, um, dunno. Fuck.
Posted by pearce at November 11, 2006 7:55 PMWow - surprised by the line up. I actually have seen a couple of those films (The Hidden - BRILLIANT and Invasion of the Body Snatchers - yet again BRILLIANT).
I was strangly interested in Crank - but thought it may be a bit chessy - from the sounds of it worth a look see perhaps.
I saw A History of Violence in the weekend and really enjoyed it - quite different to his other films (if you ask me) for being more grounded, but still has the oddly perfect / fucked up feel to the world.
Yay!
Posted by: Scott C at November 14, 2006 9:37 AMGood reviews, though you forgot about the weird "How to Glorify God by watching TV" religious flick (not sure if anyone worked out what the actual title was) which came on after Thunderbirds.
Oh, and Troll 2 rocked, whereas The Hidden was great until it went on about an hour too long. Ditto The Astrologer (which looked like it's main problem was that they ran out of production budget and cobbled the edit together with whatever they had managed to shoot).
I'm surprised you didn't mention more about the creapy boy-freak from Burial Ground (he was a horror movie all on his own), but again, it did go on a bit.
However congratulations are in order for having enough brain power left to actually write anything coherent so soon after the event. Well done indeed.
Borat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (£22m) film deal starring his character Bruno...
Posted by: Chase Briscoe at April 17, 2007 8:36 PMBorat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (£22m) film deal starring his character Bruno...
Posted by: Chase Briscoe at April 17, 2007 8:37 PMVeteran actor William Franklyn, known for voicing the 1960s Schweppes TV adverts, dies aged 81...
Posted by: Jace Antoine at April 27, 2007 9:38 PMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Matthew Grooms at April 27, 2007 9:58 PMJonathan Ross is dubbed "risque" by Ofcom but not in breach of rules over an interview with David Cameron...
Posted by: Marcelo Mcpherson at April 27, 2007 10:05 PMClassical singer Russell Watson postpones his forthcoming UK tour after undergoing brain surgery...
Posted by: Fabian Hyman at April 27, 2007 10:20 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Freddie Spence at April 27, 2007 10:35 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Freddie Spence at April 27, 2007 10:36 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Freddie Spence at April 27, 2007 10:36 PMThe judge who put coded messages in his Da Vinci Code plagiarism trial ruling has written another...
Posted by: Semaj Riley at April 27, 2007 10:44 PMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Yahir Sanborn at April 27, 2007 10:56 PMTV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...
Posted by: Jase Maggard at April 27, 2007 11:15 PMThe first stage of a £150m investment in regional museums is praised for boosting visitor numbers...
Posted by: Yosef Hyman at April 28, 2007 12:21 AMRecord company EMI sign a deal with the estate of crooner Dean Martin to use the singer's likeness...
Posted by: Lance Ludwig at April 28, 2007 12:49 AMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Colby Purcell at April 28, 2007 1:02 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Frankie Chacon at April 28, 2007 1:19 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Frankie Chacon at April 28, 2007 1:20 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Frankie Chacon at April 28, 2007 1:20 AMTV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...
Posted by: Jaylen Carey at April 28, 2007 1:27 AMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Maxim Heck at April 28, 2007 2:01 AMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Maxim Heck at April 28, 2007 2:04 AMLondon-born rapper Sway is to be honoured at the BET Hip-Hop awards in the US...
Posted by: Jarrett Barnhill at April 28, 2007 2:11 AMWilliam Styron, whose Holocaust novel Sophie's Choice became a film and an opera, has died, aged 81...
Posted by: Raven Dagostino at April 28, 2007 2:20 AMWilliam Styron, whose Holocaust novel Sophie's Choice became a film and an opera, has died, aged 81...
Posted by: Raven Dagostino at April 28, 2007 2:20 AMWilliam Styron, whose Holocaust novel Sophie's Choice became a film and an opera, has died, aged 81...
Posted by: Raven Dagostino at April 28, 2007 2:21 AMVeteran actor William Franklyn, known for voicing the 1960s Schweppes TV adverts, dies aged 81...
Posted by: Darwin Casey at April 28, 2007 2:38 AMVeteran actor William Franklyn, known for voicing the 1960s Schweppes TV adverts, dies aged 81...
Posted by: Darwin Casey at April 28, 2007 2:39 AMThe Red Hot Chili Peppers are leading the way at this years MTV Europe music awards with four nominations...
Posted by: Ean Hutchings at April 28, 2007 3:03 AMThe judge who put coded messages in his Da Vinci Code plagiarism trial ruling has written another...
Posted by: Alberto Cooksey at April 28, 2007 3:10 AMThe judge who put coded messages in his Da Vinci Code plagiarism trial ruling has written another...
Posted by: Alberto Cooksey at April 28, 2007 3:10 AMClassical singer Russell Watson postpones his forthcoming UK tour after undergoing brain surgery...
Posted by: Augustus Valenzuela at April 28, 2007 3:17 AMTV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...
Posted by: Noah Bowie at April 28, 2007 4:18 AMThe Rolling Stones cancel a gig in Hawaii and postpone other tour dates as Mick Jagger suffers throat troubles...
Posted by: Kyler Stpierre at April 28, 2007 4:46 AMThe Rolling Stones cancel a gig in Hawaii and postpone other tour dates as Mick Jagger suffers throat troubles...
Posted by: Kyler Stpierre at April 28, 2007 4:48 AMThe Rolling Stones cancel a gig in Hawaii and postpone other tour dates as Mick Jagger suffers throat troubles...
Posted by: Kyler Stpierre at April 28, 2007 4:48 AMThe Rolling Stones cancel a gig in Hawaii and postpone other tour dates as Mick Jagger suffers throat troubles...
Posted by: Xavier Arevalo at April 28, 2007 5:00 AMThe Rolling Stones cancel a gig in Hawaii and postpone other tour dates as Mick Jagger suffers throat troubles...
Posted by: Xavier Arevalo at April 28, 2007 5:02 AMTV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...
Posted by: Yosef Lanham at April 28, 2007 5:15 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Alden Child at April 28, 2007 5:29 AMClassical singer Russell Watson postpones his forthcoming UK tour after undergoing brain surgery...
Posted by: Levi Warren at April 28, 2007 6:17 AMClassical singer Russell Watson postpones his forthcoming UK tour after undergoing brain surgery...
Posted by: Levi Warren at April 28, 2007 6:19 AMSocial networking site MySpace is to block users from uploading copyrighted music to its pages...
Posted by: Kelvin Mitchel at April 28, 2007 7:10 AMBorat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (£22m) film deal starring his character Bruno...
Posted by: Keith Braun at April 28, 2007 7:32 AMTV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...
Posted by: Marcus Barbosa at April 28, 2007 7:52 AMVeteran actor William Franklyn, known for voicing the 1960s Schweppes TV adverts, dies aged 81...
Posted by: Ian Gresham at April 28, 2007 8:01 AMClassical singer Russell Watson postpones his forthcoming UK tour after undergoing brain surgery...
Posted by: Alfred Blanco at April 28, 2007 8:18 AMA musical about the witches from The Wizard of Oz breaks West End box office records, its producers say...
Posted by: Latrell Mckinnon at April 28, 2007 8:24 AMThe first stage of a £150m investment in regional museums is praised for boosting visitor numbers...
Posted by: Reid Briggs at April 28, 2007 8:38 AMThe first stage of a £150m investment in regional museums is praised for boosting visitor numbers...
Posted by: Lloyd Condon at April 28, 2007 8:43 AMThe first stage of a £150m investment in regional museums is praised for boosting visitor numbers...
Posted by: Lloyd Condon at April 28, 2007 8:45 AMLondon-born rapper Sway is to be honoured at the BET Hip-Hop awards in the US...
Posted by: Cameron Reyes at April 28, 2007 9:29 AMLondon-born rapper Sway is to be honoured at the BET Hip-Hop awards in the US...
Posted by: Cameron Reyes at April 28, 2007 9:29 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Abram Tavares at April 28, 2007 9:47 AMMadonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...
Posted by: Abram Tavares at April 28, 2007 9:47 AMPioneering screenwriter Nigel Kneale, best known for the Quatermass TV serials and films, dies aged 84...
Posted by: Lamar Deluca at April 28, 2007 10:03 AMPioneering screenwriter Nigel Kneale, best known for the Quatermass TV serials and films, dies aged 84...
Posted by: Lamar Deluca at April 28, 2007 10:06 AMThe Rolling Stones postpone a show in the US to allow singer Sir Mick Jagger time to rest his voice...
Posted by: Byron Ackley at April 28, 2007 11:19 AMThe Rolling Stones postpone a show in the US to allow singer Sir Mick Jagger time to rest his voice...
Posted by: Byron Ackley at April 28, 2007 11:19 AMMicrosoft and Peter Jackson postpone the making of a film based on the Halo video game after backers pull out...
Posted by: Elijah Gladney at April 28, 2007 12:22 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Malik Lemke at April 28, 2007 12:34 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Nolan Steen at April 28, 2007 1:40 PMDoctor Who takes three prizes at the National Television Awards in a repeat of its success last year...
Posted by: Reece Stoner at April 28, 2007 2:38 PMAlec Baldwin asks for his voice to be removed from an "unfair" documentary about Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Posted by: Kasey Halcomb at June 22, 2007 2:31 PM