You hear that, Mr Andersen?

Judgment, 48HOUR, Bad Music

I think it's a judgement against the people I hang out with/read that I get an email at work titled "Sash clamp" and think, "Who the hell is talking about a Slash Camp? And what would it involve, anyway? Some sort of fan-fic writers' get-together to discuss the ins and outs of writing stories where characters of the same gender from their favourite TV shows get to have hot, hot makeouts?"

A judgement against other people, is what it is. Okay? :)

Speaking of a judgement against other people -- if pesky teenagers with their too-loud music and their hip-hop clothes are scaring off your customers by hanging around outside your shop in the mall (because there's nowhere for them to go, and nothing for them to do), why not shift the problem where you don't have to look at it by using a Mosquito Ultrasonic Deterrent? You too can take advantage of the progressive hearing loss associated with age in order to make public spaces unpleasant for a particular subgroup which you don't like!

And to tie things up nicely -- how about an anti-global-warming ad? Tagline: "Carbon dioxide: they call it pollution; we call it life." Grr. So... annoyed!

But to bring it back to hope: the Colombian mathematician and philosopher who decided to become mayor of the capital, and the ways he actually made things better -- like hiring mimes to follow people and mimic them if they broke the road rules, for example. Thanks to Morgue and Dreadbeard for pointing this one out.

***

As I've previously mentioned, I was involved in the 48 Hour film competition again, with the team Jenni's Angels. You could tell we were more professional this time, because we had t-shirts with our team's name on them -- and on the front, we had "T+2:41", to remind ourselves of how we missed the deadline by less than three minutes last year.

This year, we were nearly twenty minutes early, and were able to have the people who ran the tape down back at home base in time for the countdown. And it was a really, really good little film -- having been in the editing room, there are certain tweaks I wish we could make (most especially fixing the credits to spell the wonderful Director of Photography's last name correctly (sorry Michaela!), and to shift the logo of the guys who lent us the stunt gear to be in line with their credit, and not over the names of two hard-working Angels (d'oh!)), but what I think of as the climax of the movie has yet to fail to elicit a reaction, thanks to a judicious sound effect.

Quick summary -- the mandatory elements were the character Robin Slade, eternal optimist; the line, "That's what I'm talking about."; and a mirror. Our genre was "Monster Movie", and the movie we made was "Monster Hunters IV: Beyond Repair", featuring the touching reunion of the two heros of the franchise as they and their teams go up against the Mysterious Melty Man of the Woods. Given that at least 75-80% of the people who appear in the movie are killed, I think we stayed pretty true to the genre. And we ended up having a pretty good soundtrack.

Hopefully you'll be able to see it someday. :)

***

Because I was in charge of sorting out music & sound effects (though I mostly offloaded the latter job to my lovely henchperson, Rachel), I've been more aware of what's available on the web. Unfortunately, that means that I ended up stumbling across things like "Punk Rock" baby lullabies, where "lullaby" apparently means "get a crappy midi-file version of a song, and change the instruments to glockenspiels and stuff". Or there's the most embarassingly bad white rapper ever, Blazin' Hazen. (And look, he's still blazin'.) I mean, even random Asian dudes mouthing along to the Pokemon theme tune are better than that.

That seems like enough. Here you go, blogosphere.

The Ballad of Terry Spears

In my continuing efforts in case we get a musical, here's something I managed to whip up relatively quickly; I was using the constraints of a year before last (i.e. a doll, the character Terry Spears, and the words, "Put it down, nice and easy" -- though I deliberately cheated on the last part). Here's the track -- I don't think the sound is too bad, and it's a .wav file by default.

Since I don't have access to a microphone, you'll just have to imagine me singing it in a vaguely "Lynn of Tawa" accent. It's basically the chord progressions from "Ghost Riders in the Sky", with a extra couple of bars at the end of each line, and a four-bar intro; I've left it fairly straight, but pulling it up a note between verses to increase the tension etc. is certainly doable, and fiddling with the tempo is as easy as pie. Just so people can get an idea, I recorded a version with a different style set. Anyway, on to the lyrics:

Now when you first start flatting, and you're young, and you're a bloke,
It's easy to forget not everyone can take a joke.
So let me tell the story of a boy named Terry Spears,
Who didn't heed this sage advice; and was killed with gardening shears.

So learn this simple lesson, if you're flatting in this town:
When you flatmate has a quirk, and you want to put it down;
Nice and easy does it -- just agree to disagree;
'Cos you you might be in the wrong, son; and they might be high on P.

I haven't bothered writing it up as a proper script, and there's plenty to improve song-wise (and story-wise, come to that); but it gives you an idea of what's relatively easy. I'll try to hunt down a few more ballad-ish chord progressions in the near future, and whip up a few more of these things. Oh, and I should finish off the superhero musical...

Movies, Music, Mrrrrnnnnghh

What the heck? I guess it's a good thing I don't speak Wookie.

***

It's always a bit of a toss-up over what I'm allowed to talk about with regard to work. We're now officially working on Eragon, I believe -- at least, people on our payroll are listed in the IMDB. Same thing with The Waterhorse. And there are other things that I know I can't talk about; but there's plenty of stuff floating in a grey area.

I had an extended analogy about internet rumours and throwing up Mrs Macs pies on the Interislander, but decided that it wasn't an avenue that I really wanted to explore. :)

***

I've been a buying-things fiend -- I managed to find a good deal on a light and tiny (12") laptop for Erik, so he won't be completely bereft of computers when he goes galivanting off wherever his medical career takes him, and last week I bought my Mum a laptop. (Before anyone gets any ideas, I owed Mum the money I used to buy her the laptop from back when I got the mortgage (because I suddenly realized that I hadn't included the lawyer's fees in the amount I asked to borrow from the bank); and Erik is going to pay me back for the one I got him. No, I cannot buy you a laptop.)

Also, I went ahead and bought Band in a Box. (The version that Dad had actually the first version of the program, from back in 1994; it's come a fairly long way since then.) The learning curve isn't too bad, I just wish I knew a bit more about composition, chords and stuff. The automatic music generation thing is okay, though I'm still having a bit of trouble getting anything funky out of it; but given I've only played with it for about three or four hours (including listening to some intro tutorials), that's not too bad. You can import midi files into the program, and mess about with the style, which will extend the number of things we might be able to do with it. ("Three Little Maids" doesn't sound particularly good as a Kenny G-style groove, by the way.) I have great hopes for being able to whip something up relatively quickly on the day of filming, but I'll be doing my best beforehand to build up a store of music we can use.

I might put some samples of music I've made (or mutilated) up sometime soon.

Oh, and if anyone can play an instrument and/or sing, and would be willing to either let us use stuff you've already recorded, record you now, or be available to record you on the day -- that would be awesome.

Beards, Music, Catfish

Hup, two, three, four,
I declare Kitten War!

Or if kittens don't tickle your fancy, I daresay that the stoic denizens of the World Beard & Moustache Championships may be more your speed. Speaking as someone who has grown a beard, I don't know how they stand them -- the feeling when you shift when lying down, pulling the hair on your face the wrong way... bluergh. All power to those who choose to spend the extra effort to grow them, though.

And MakeTeaNotWar pointed at a singing deer's head, which reminded me of a project someone did to use the "Big Mouth Billy Bass" as a display tool, with the fish talking to you about emails arriving and what-not. As toys get more complicated, hacking them to create nifty tools (that would be uneconomical to create from scratch) will almost certainly become more common.

(Unfortunately, a cursory Google finds lots of references to the project, but no copies of the actual page. If I cared enough, I guess I'd use the Wayback machine... but come on, I've got a day job. ;) )

***

I'd pretty much finished up the superhero musical script in the weekend; it took about three hours, though they were a little interrupted. Unfortunately, finding the ten minutes to finish the first draft is proving a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be. Who knows, though -- it may be up this Saturday! I wouldn't hold your breath, though.

I've pretty much convinced myself to buy Band in a Box, especially if I can manage to find an old version for cheap/free -- I'm hoping that Dad will find that he's got a complete (old) version sitting on a coverdisk somewhere, which would reduce the price of the "with everything" version of the software. So if someone has an old copy lying around, or has seen an old version sitting in some computer shop for ultra-cheap gathering dust, I'd be very interested.

[EDIT: I rang Mum & Dad last night; Dad said that he'd bought it, but he didn't know where it was; Mum saw the box almost immediately, but the disk isn't in it. So... maybe I'll get lucky.]

(After all, even if what it produces is decidely average, we can always use it to produce something as a suggestion/backing for actual live musicians with actual taste to perform against.)

By the way -- if anyone has music to which they can give us the right to use in the 48 Hour Film competition, I'd be very grateful if you'd throw a comment or email my way. :)

***

The problem with "sports" like noodling is that it's not really fair, I think. (Quick summary -- noodlers wiggle their fingers inside holes in muddy banks to get giant catfish to bite them, and then wrestle the catfish to the surface.) If the catfish were as dangerous as, say, sharks, or even wild pigs, then I'd have some sypathy for it as a sport, though it'd still be pretty stupid. But as it stands, it's like stealing mobility scooters from the elderly: not easy, and you might get a bruised, but it's not like they're actively dangerous.

Uh, not that I advocate the theft of mobility scooters. And some of the people on those scooters are vicious. Er, so I've heard.

Okay, uh... look over there! runs away...